Okay…first things first, since it’s Sunnah to wish Eid Mubarak…I wish all of you a blessed Eid with your family and loved ones. May Allah swt accept our ibadat and good deeds and help us to continue them throughout the year, Ameen.
Eid Day 1:
This Eid was very hard for me because Ammi wasn’t around and the fact that she won’t be around for future Eids is heartbreaking to say the least. I couldn’t step out of my room almost all day on the first day of Eid. I cried. I made dua for her and myself. Maghfirat for her and ease for myself to be able to cope with her lose. I kept myself busy almost the entire day, cleaning and organizing things. I usually do these things before Eid but I kept procrastinating I guess because I was dreading Eid this time. I was dreading not being able to celebrate it with her like our previous Eids and the pain it would cause me. Then I thought about others who are sailing in the same boat as me in the river of grief.
People who’ve lost their loved ones due to Coronavirus, due to plane crashes, due to cancer or for any other reason because the reason really doesn’t matter because the pain of losing that loved one is the same regardless of the reason. I prayed for them and the ones they’ve lost.
I took a deep breath, said Alhamdulillah for my health, the time I’ve been given in this world with my loved ones, picked myself up, wore the newest kurta I could find that I bought months ago from Khaadi, matched a scarf gifted to me by bhabi and paired it with an almost new trouser. Stepped out of my room and greeted everyone. Gifted my nephews their Eid presents and managed to do a video call with my family members in 4 different continents via WhatsApp video call. 8 calls happening at the same time. I didn’t know this feature existed in WhatsApp but man…it was fun and actually brought a smile to my face.
I am so blessed Alhamdulillah. Yes…my heart aches with grief every now and then but I choose to be happy, content and grateful because my mother didn’t want anything less for me. I’m grateful for all the Eids I’ve spent with her and I will only think about them from now on and try my best to only smile because I got to spend that time with her and not grieve over her loss. This is the choice I have and rather than mourning her loss, I choose to celebrate her life so that when I see her again at the gates of Jannah (In’sha’Allah, Ameen) I will hug her and tell her how much I missed her and how her memories, instead of tears, brought a smile to my face every single time!